StoopidSavant's Xanga

Dear Food Network

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 03:59:55 GMT

Let me begin by stating that I am a long time fan of the network, and my TV, like for many Americans across the country, is constantly tuned in (as long as Rachel Ray isn't on). However, watching Next Food Network Star last year reminded me about something that has been on my mind for some time.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will state that I am of East Asian descent - Vietnamese, to be precise - and born in the United States. When I learned of the (in?)famous Nipa Bhatt on NFNS, I was thrilled to learn that someone descending from an eastern culture would have the opportunity to represent their nationality to the millions of food fanatics around the world.

I will now spare the details of how disappointed I was by her personality and her performance.

That being said, it became apparent to me that Food Network has rather poor representation of Asian cultures in its programming. Believe me when I state that I am no ethnic fanboy trying to proseletyze people into accepting my ethnic roots, but in the interest of fairness to the American people (immigrant or not) and the millions of viewers around the world who are also Food Network fans, I must say:

HIRE AN ASIAN PERSON

Given that there are no less than three personalities who represent Italian cooking and two people who represent Latin dishes, the Food Network lineup is surprisingly devoid of Asian cooks, save for Chef Morimoto, who is never in an instructional position.

It is one thing for the existing personalities on Food Network to teach people how to make authentic Asian dishes, but please, Emeril Lagasse could have at least picked up a phone book, called any random Vietnamese restaurant, and asked how to even vaguely pronounce nuoc cham. Same goes for my hero Alton Brown, who could not even be bothered to ask anyone how to correctly approximate the pronunciation of banh trang, despite being in a Vietnamese supermarket, which was in a Vietnamese shopping plaza, which was in an area with the highest concentration of Vietnamese people in Atlanta. Seriously, can these guys at least try? Giada and Mario at least have the privilege of saying their dishes with all the Italian vigor their hearts desire.

The next issue is that Food Network shows many chefs and cooks trying to cook "Asian" dishes, when the preparation is only a far cry from authenticity. I defy anyone from the FN Test Kitchens to tell me that any of the 3 billion people in Asia actually eat fried cream cheese wontons.

Finally, and most importantly, is the overall food industry's abuse of the word "Asian." Simply adding soy sauce and ginger do not an "Asian" dish make. Would it make any more sense for a television cook in Japan to say "I added a little North American flare by adding ground beef" or "for a European touch, I used sea salt!" Please do not insult dozens of cultures and billions of people by approximating them into one continent and a few similar ingredients. I doubt that the Italians would much appreciate it if their cuisine was not regarded as having much distinction from German fare.

I thank you for taking the time to read and I thank you for inspiring my love of food. Just please spare the cheese wontons.

Regards,
Vu

How to Drive Like a Southerner

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 02:40:00 GMT

Here are the unwritten rules of driving in the south:

Turn signals are optional. Sometimes offensive. The lefthand stalk on your steering wheel is a communist Hippie Liberal Yankee plot to force God out of America.
The top speed on any roadway is always 10mph below the speed limit.
Left lane is for traffic, right lane is for passing (usually necessary by Hippie Liberal Yankees who don't know rule #2).
On the rare occasion that one should actually anticipate the need to pass on a multi-lane highway (and never in the left lane - that's a Hippie Liberal Yankee concept), always approach the passee vehicle and tailgate not less than one-half vehicle length for a period of no less two minutes before beginning pass. Observing rule #1, dart out into adjacent lane. This rule is more logical the fewer other vehicles there are on the road.
When the light turns green, thou shalt not out-accelerate the 18-wheel semi-truck in the adjacent lane.
Four-wheeled vehicles not in compliance with the Minimum Vehicle Gross Weight of 6,500 pounds are prohibited.
Two- or three-wheeled vehicles not in compliance with the Minimum Motorbike Gross Weight of 1,800 pounds are prohibited. Such vehicles with more than two cylinders are prohibited.
Thou shalt not maintain a constant speed. Should a Hippie Liberal Yankee attempt to pass, increase vehicle speed to match. Once Hippie Liberal Yankee has aborted pass, return to below traffic average speed.
In the state of Georgia, traffic is to yield to opposing traffic making a left turn.
When on a highway with no median, it is perfectly acceptable to use high beams, even when there is opposing traffic. In fact, this practice is encouraged.
There are no toll roads in the south. The rite of passage is by a W: The President sticker affixed to the rear windshield.
For the youth influenced by the Hippie Liberal Yankees, the "image" vehicle is the 1987 Chevrolet Caprice (KBB value: $700) with 24" chrome rims (MSRP: $4000). The "sport" vehicle is the 1998 Honda Civic, with rear wing not less than 24" above the plane of the decklid. Only vehicles older than twenty (20) years are permitted to have alloy rims, of which are to be plated with chromium. Vehicles newer than twenty (20) years are to be equipped with wheels of the pressed steel type, with plastic spinner hubcaps.
A driver is not to exceed 0.0002G maximum cornering force. Special chips will be installed on vehicles of the type: Corvette, Porsche, BMW, Mercedes, Audi, Ferrari, Aston Martin, Lamborghini, Lexus, Infiniti, et al, to limit maximum turn speed to 8mph.
When precipitation exceeds the rate of 0.001 inches per hour, the driver is required to collide with the nearest obstacle (Hippie Liberal Yankees preferred).

Friday, March 14, 2008

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 03:03:55 GMT

I guess now I'm allowed to talk about what I've been working on for the past two years:

Gulfstream G650

Fastest civil aircraft money can buy, and probably the most comfortable.

7,000 nautical mile range, 0.925 Mach top speed, 28-inch wide windows, and a cabin that is [literally] as quiet as a whisper.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:42:52 GMT

NOM NOM NOM

My favorite YouTube video of all time.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:48:17 GMT

Oh. My. Gawd.

Chef Robert Irvine lives in my home town!

I'm gonna search him out when I come home for Thanksgiving.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 03:00:59 GMT

I haven't updated in a while, and due to the important events that our nation is going through, I wanted to express a very strong opinion that I have:

RED DELICIOUS APPLES ARE GARBAGE

Seriously, the botanist/farmer/marketing guy must have been smoking crack when (s)he decided on the common nomenclature of this mealy, thick-skinned ball of crap. Fuji apples are clearly the superior variety.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Sun, 06 May 2007 02:42:58 GMT

Monster Cable Can Suck It
How to Build Your Own Speaker Cables For a Fraction of the Price

All materials necessary to build these cables can be found at Parts Express.

First, cut a section of wire to the desired length. I used Dayton 4-conductor 11 AWG cable.

Using a utility knife, CAREFULLY cut away 7" of the outer sheathing, being careful not to cut into the conductors' insulation. Also cut away center filler paper.

Strip off 1" of insulation. Your life will be much easier if you have an auto-stripper.

Twist together the wires into pairs, keeping the same twist pitch as the original cable.

Install terminations of your choice. I used Canare non-locking banana plugs.

Slip on 6" of red and white heatshrink tubing over the leads.

If you have a heat gun or a blow dryer, apply even heat. If you have a blow dryer but are impatient like me, just use your stove.

Begin slipping on 3/8" Techflex of your color choice, starting at unfinished end.

It's a pain in the ass to reach the other end, but have no fear, you'll make it eventually!

Next, slip on 1/4" black Techflex over the leads. At the split, cover with 1" adhesive lined heatshrink tubing (another reason for using a range in lieu of a blow dryer if you don't have a heat gun is that the blow dryer may not get hot enough to liquefy the adhesive). Slip heatshrink around ends of terminators.

At the unfinished end, wrap a piece of masking tape approximately 8" from the end. Use a utility knife and cut off the Techflex and outer cable sheathing halfway through the masking tape. The tape will ensure a clean cut and prevent the Techflex from unraveling (unless you went for the no-fray Techflex).

Repeat above steps on termination.

Finished product!

Girthy

Installed

Now you can approximate the look of $90/meter cable for a fraction of the cost! How do they sound? Like almost any other speaker wire, I'm sure since I don't believe in the sonic necessity of RFI shielding up to 20MHz. Of course the main function is mainly cosmetic, but they will be able to deliver more current than cheap 22 AWG lamp wire, so there may be some benefit on the low end.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Tue, 01 May 2007 02:19:59 GMT

Dolphins? Where?

So this past weekend I had some friends from Atlanta come over to visit. Like any good resident and host, I had absolutely no idea of what to do or where to take them, other than places to eat (kind of like when I'm in New York). So the girls wanted to visit the famous (apparently) Tybee Island and go on a dolphin tour, similar to whale watching excursions in northern waters. Hour and a half boat ride for $15? Sure, I'm game.

Of course, I know that Mother Nature is a fickle woman (and what female isn't) and seeing animals is a big game of chance, but I still was having high hopes that happy little bottlenose dolphins would be poking their heads up right next to the boat, chirping away, and expecting us to pet and feed them. Well, to modify what Dr. Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, "I don't suppose you actually have dolphins on your dolphin tour?" Unlike Jurassic Park, however, I guess it's illegal to chum the waters and try to attract them.

Can you spot the dolphin?

The little bastards are camouflaged

That's a 100% crop from an 8.2MP Canon 20D at 200mm. That's all you get.

The irony is that the next day we went to the beach and just standing on the shoreline we saw more dolphin action than we ever did on the boat.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 03:27:32 GMT

Original Language is Best

Anyone who is a fan of anime knows that subbed always always beats dubbed, hands down. Try to imagine the charm of the movie Amelie if it wasn't in the original French. How immersed in the world of ancient China would you be watching Crouching Tiger if the characters were speaking English? To all those who ruin movie parties by changing the audio track to English, all I have to say to you is this: call 1-800-ABCDEFG.

So for the past several months I have to confess to taking an appreciation to Rammstein. Their songs are almost entirely German, however they did English versions of three of their songs. My thoughts on Rammstein's English renditions?

They sound like a bunch of goddamned sissies.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 23:15:40 GMT

What's the best place to get free/cheap magazine subscriptions?